On New Year's Day, my younger brother and his girlfriend announced their engagement. I am truly, genuinely happy for them.
However, I'm not happy about what will follow - engagement party, wedding etc. This is primarily due to my family.
As a child of divorce, I have spent over half my life struggling, torn between my mum and my dad. I got two Christmases, two birthdays, all of that, but not one whole one.
It's not helped by the fact that my older brother and I do not, and will not ever, have a relationship.
My father can't be bothered with the niceties that come with his son getting married. He doesn't want to go to the engagement party, will endure the wedding (but try and duck out of as much as possible) and will probably disappoint younger brother in many ways.
I just want to enjoy it. I want to see my younger brother start his life with his wife. I don't want to deal with anyone else's bullshit - does my stepdad sit at the top table, along with my mum and dad, where does big brother sit in relation to me, what fucking aunts and uncles and cousins make the guest list. Seriously, it's a wedding, it should be a good day.
I had worried that when this day came I would be nervous about being put in the same room as big brother. And I am, but I am prepared to deal with that and am adopting a zen attitude to it. It's all this other bullshit I don't want, or need, to have anything to do with. I just want to tell everyone involved to man the fuck up and remember that it's not about any of us, it's about the couple getting married.
It's things like this that make me want to have nothing to do with it and that would be the biggest tragedy of all.
