My stupid guy woes are continuing and it continues to force me to deal with emotions that I would rather not. But seeing as how my brain thinks it is in charge, I figured I would try and get my thoughts down in some kind of coherent form.
I was told by someone that they weren't "ready for a relationship" after I had expressed feelings for them. Weirdly, I hadn't asked for a relationship, I had just felt the need to tell them how I felt about them. Of course, deep down I had hoped that something would come from it, but it wasn't to be.
However, it got me thinking. Amid the rejection was a long-winded espousing of my better qualities (and even an admission that the object of my affections "obviously" fancied me a bit). The list sounded good. Even I was impressed by how he made me sound. But, it was still a rejection and I had to ask "if I'm such a good person, why doesn't he want to be with me?"
Because, my brain told me, if I were really that great he would. Because for someone really special, a person would up their game to be in a relationship with them. Right??
A harsh rejection would have almost been easier because at least then I could call the guy a douche and be done with it. (But not ghosting, a subject I will save for another day.) As it stands now, I'm apparently a great person, just not great enough to be with.
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