Single and loving it

I've been reading a lot about Singlism, and the problems faced by single people, particularly people who choose to be single. And I have come to realise that it's something I feel passionately about.

I regularly have people feeling sorry for me when I say I'm single, telling me, "don't worry, it will happen soon". That always seemed weird to me, because I don't feel that my life is in any way deficit because I don't have a partner. I have managed to run a household, develop and grow in my career and have meaningful friendships and relationships with family, all on my own terms.

I am free to do what I want, when I want, if I want. The only obligations I have is to ensure that I feed my cats (and mostly I do that so they don't eat me while I sleep) and to go to my job to ensure I have money to feed the aforementioned cats. I don't need to "check in" with anyone, make compromises, take someone else's wants/needs into account, and I can sit in my jammies, drinking wine at 11am without anyone except the cats to judge me. Which they do.

I know the above may seem selfish to some. Others will argue that when you are in the "right relationship" you can do these things. No you can't. You always have to take the other person into account, or do so subconsciously.

I have an incredibly full life, and looking at it, I can't see where a relationship would fit without something else moving out of the way. And, to be honest, I don't want that. I love my life.

But, more and more I find myself getting insulted at the insinuation that my life isn't complete because I don't have a man, or that I must be miserable because I don't have one. It's rude.

The statistics also speak for themselves - singles lose out compared to people in couples. Single supplements, joint memberships for gyms, health benefits for spouses/partners, tax breaks for working parents. Where is the tax break for the person who works continuously, doesn't take maternity/paternity leave, spends more money (because there's more disposable income generally) within the economy, and works on when parents/couples have to take off early for parents' nights, anniversaries, sick dependents?

How to become a crazy cat lady

I have decided to use this blog to write a book. It will be primarily about my life, but it will be framed around my climb (descent?) to becoming a crazy cat lady. I feel I have a lot of advice that could be useful, not only to wannabe crazy cat ladies, but also women and people in general.

It does seem rather egomaniacal to write about myself when I'm not a person of any fame or note. But everyone has a story to tell, and I think that I can tell mine in a funny and entertaining way.

It's been a while...

So, haven't really blogged for a bit. The biggest news is that I had to have Molee put to sleep. Her arthritis got to the point where even standing was causing her a lot of pain, so I took the decision to put her out of her misery. As much as it has left me totally devastated, I am happy I was able to ease her pain and send her to sleep, knowing that she was loved.

I now have her ashes, which I can't yet bring myself to scatter.

Other than the obvious, the biggest downside to Molee passing away is that the young cats are totally out of control. Molee used to be the one to bitch slap them into shape when they got too boisterous. And without her to keep them in control they are running wild.

But, the one thing that has helped is letting them outside. They are roaming free and loving it. I even get presents, in the form of mice and bunnies. They hate being indoors now, so when I'm home I leave a window open so they can come and go, and when I'm at work, I leave them out, but with one of the kennels open with a pillow and a throw and a bowl of water in for them.

Boo enjoying the great outdoors.

They are due their boosters and flea/worm treatment in a couple of weeks, so that will be fun.

In non-cat news, I started skating again yesterday, and am feeling it today!! I am also dealing with some medical stuff, which will hopefully get resolved soon.

Not just a cat lady...

A lot has been happening, although not really concerning the cats.

I am a member of a roller derby league in Scotland, and also on the board of directors of the UK Roller Derby Association (UKRDA). That work keeps me pretty busy, particularly now as I tackle a number of big projects.

I am also in the middle of my twice annual work for Forestry Commission Scotland, creating a newsletter. I like to hear what they are up to, and am half hoping they can give me a line on some cheap wood for stove in new cottage!!

Speaking of, moving day is looming fast. I haven't done a thing, partly because the cats won't let me (do you really think boxes would be left unscathed around them) and partly because I don't want to pack away stuff and end up needing it!!

And there's the usual family drama, although thankfully I am managing to stay at arm's length.

After a few bad weeks, I'm trying to get back on track with Paleo diet and exercise. I even made my first ever green smoothie. It's something I'm going to have to get used to, but I'm enjoying it.

All quiet on the cat lady front

I have found a new place to live - it's a quiet cottage in Perthshire, commutable to work, but remote so the cats can get outside and roaming. Fingers crossed it will help them with their high energy. Not looking forward to the "presents" they will bring me, but will try and keep in mind it comes from a place of love.

Molee has been put on the Zylkene, as her overgrooming has gotten worse. Hopefully that, coupled with a move to somewhere more peaceful, will have a positive effect.

Getting ready to go back to work

Well it's Sunday night and I'm on the last day of a week off. It's been quiet, but quite interesting. Finally finished At Home, which was easily one of the hardest books I've ever read (omg, all the facts). Read and binned my backlog of Vanity Fair magazines, just in time for the new one coming in.

Also continued with Supernatural (now on season 8) and am currently watching True Detective, which so far has been amazing!!

In less positive news, getting Molee groomed resulted in her needing some oxygen, and highlighted how bad her overgrooming has become. So ordered some Zylkene, which I hope will chill her out and get her out of the habit of it.

Also had a disappointing experience in getting a new house. Viewed on Monday, guy sounded positive and said he would be in touch Tuesday morning. No contact, so on Tuesday afternoon I emailed. No reply. On Wednesday I phoned and his secretary said she would pass on the message. Not heard anything since. It was the perfect house, but apparently it's not where I'm supposed to be.

So, the work to keep Molee calm and stress free, and the hunt for a new place to live, continues. Am also managing to keep going with the paleo, and am going to be starting green smoothies every day, as soon as I get the blender from my dad.

Healthy greens!!

My gran's 70th birthday celebration went well, and she enjoyed herself. I hired a professional photographer for the day, so we got some great pictures of the event. And that's the stuff with the extended family done and dusted until Ali's wedding next September!!

Sick kitty

Had to take Atticus to the vet yesterday. One of his eyes had started getting gunky at the tail end of last week and his other eye got bad on Sunday. I figured it was probably just conjunctivitis but wanted to get it sorted before Boo or Molee got it too.

Vet confirmed what I thought and gave me some eye cream to put in his eyes. Let's just say he doesn't like it!! My mild mannered boy becomes a clawing fidgety demon when the tube of cream appears. Am going to have to get a big towel and pin him down.

In other news, I am looking for a new place to live, in a bid to be in a place where I can let the cats roam. But who knows what the universe will throw up?!

A very good week

I'm not sure if moving to Paleo has made me more optimistic or if I have just had a very good week, but either way I am taking it as a win.

Last weekend was my younger brother's engagement party, which was good, if slightly awkward given that my divorced parents were in the same room as each other. It just sucks that they can't politely say hello then move on. In fact, my mum seemed to go totally out of her way to avoid even speaking to him. My stepdad said hello to my dad, as did my mum's brother and mother. Just one of the many joys of being a child of divorce!!

I then had a couple of nights of dodgy sleep - not helped by me having my first glass of cava since going Paleo, which got me very tipsy and led to me drinking the whole bottle and being in bed by 7pm.

But through it all I maintained my positivity. I had a good quarterly review at work, which made me feel a lot better about being there. It also resulted in my boss telling me I can try and arrange a trip to London to see a national newspaper's online operations.

Then I got a letter from Lloyds Bank, offering me money for mis-sold PPI. And the really great part of that was it was totally out of the blue. I hadn't pursued a claim or made a complaint. So I sent back my form saying I would accept it. Now I just need to wait for the cheque!!

Went back to the gym after far too long an absence. And to keep the momentum I have decided to sign up for the Edinburgh Electric Run when the registration opens. And the Tough Mudder next year for my 30th. Now I need to get fit!!

This weekend I have more gym and the ARRG league-wide meeting after home team scrims tomorrow. I also have a lot of paperwork to do and cats to cuddle!!

Have a good weekend!!

The joy of family

On New Year's Day, my younger brother and his girlfriend announced their engagement. I am truly, genuinely happy for them.
However, I'm not happy about what will follow - engagement party, wedding etc. This is primarily due to my family.
As a child of divorce, I have spent over half my life struggling, torn between my mum and my dad. I got two Christmases, two birthdays, all of that, but not one whole one.
It's not helped by the fact that my older brother and I do not, and will not ever, have a relationship.
My father can't be bothered with the niceties that come with his son getting married. He doesn't want to go to the engagement party, will endure the wedding (but try and duck out of as much as possible) and will probably disappoint younger brother in many ways.
I just want to enjoy it. I want to see my younger brother start his life with his wife. I don't want to deal with anyone else's bullshit - does my stepdad sit at the top table, along with my mum and dad, where does big brother sit in relation to me, what fucking aunts and uncles and cousins make the guest list. Seriously, it's a wedding, it should be a good day.
I had worried that when this day came I would be nervous about being put in the same room as big brother. And I am, but I am prepared to deal with that and am adopting a zen attitude to it. It's all this other bullshit I don't want, or need, to have anything to do with. I just want to tell everyone involved to man the fuck up and remember that it's not about any of us, it's about the couple getting married.

It's things like this that make me want to have nothing to do with it and that would be the biggest tragedy of all.