I wish I could be more ethical about animals

Not that I abuse animals or anything (are you kidding me??) but I have meat lover's guilt. I also have leather and fur wearer's guilt.

I could possibly become a vegetarian. I am aware enough of how to get the nutrition you need while removing bad things from your diet (see my adherence to the Paleo diet as proof). I do love bacon and lamb, but I think like most things it has become a habit. There are so many tasty meat substitutes and vegetarian recipes now - I think I could enjoy being a veggie.

The sole reason I would do this is because of the animals. Most of the time I try and ignore the fact that the bit of meat on my plate was once a living, breathing (possibly cute) animal who had no choice about whether or not it ended up on my plate. But as I get older and become more aware of the rights and wrongs of the world, this is a guilt that increases.

But then I think, "is that enough?" Am I really helping the animals unless I also give up wearing leather, suede and fur too? And then do I need to give up any and all products that have been animal tested? In the UK there is a ban on testing cosmetics on animals, but some products are shipped over from other countries and there aren't the same restrictions.

And do I need to go full vegan in order to stop contributing to the horrible mass production of dairy products etc?

If I am going to be ethical do I need to go the whole hog, or can I comfortably play a small part by reducing, but not entirely cutting out, the killing of animals to live my life?

Can I ever live with another person?

This isn't me begging, more something I have been thinking about. I have lived on my own for nearly 6 years now, since permanently leaving my mum's house. And in that time I have become very used to doing things my way.

So if I were to get some kind of housemate (platonic or otherwise) I'm not sure I could cope. Having to consider someone else, not being able to do the things I want (or having to do the things I don't want), compromise.

I like leaving my house a tip if I can't be arsed cleaning or tidying up. I like not showering if all I'm doing is slobbing about the house (and I like being able to laze around with no-one seeing or being encroached on by me). And most of all, I like not having to talk to people if I don't want to.

Besides, I have three cats as housemates and they dictate everything - when I eat (always after when they eat), when I sleep, who comes to visit. And I know that I don't need to live that way, I choose to because I want to give my kitties the best home possible. Perhaps I will feel like that if it was a person I cared about? But when I think about it, my instinct says "love me, love my ways". I am not going to become a house proud, neat freak who sits primly on her perfectly maintained couch in her spotless livingroom. Who has the time?

That makes me sound horrible, doesn't it? But the thought of living with another person makes me feel uneasy. If I ever have a relationship, we will need to do the HR Giger thing and just live next door to each other. That always sounded like a good idea to me - I think some of the biggest problems in being in a relationship is proximity. We move in together and all of a sudden all the quirks and foibles become apparent, and it's that stuff rather than the big stuff that puts us off.

Full disclosure: This is coming from someone who has never lived with a man, btw, just someone who has had to listen to LOTS of friends bitching about their other halves and the little things that drive them mad.

When did being a mum make women untouchable?

I understand that being a mum must be a hardcore experience. Although I'm not one myself, I am a daughter of a woman who was a single mum. And I wasn't exactly an angel growing up, I gave her a ton of grief and worry over the years.

I state the above to clarify that I am not one of those people who think that mums "have it easy" or aren't as stressed or busy as working women. However....

What I have noticed is that you cannot question a woman once she becomes a mum. If she needs time off work then you can't argue because her children are more important than any reason a childless person may have to get time off. You can't question their dedication to their work, that their priorities may have shifted (which is natural, saying that isn't a criticism) or that they get special treatment.

The fact is that more allowances are made for parents than for any other part of the workforce. The same provisions aren't put in place for religious people, carers or just the ordinary worker. Not being a parent doesn't mean you don't have dependents. 

Last year I was in a situation where a colleague went on maternity leave. The manager advertised for maternity cover for a week before she left, and made no secret of how half-arsed he was doing it. So the rest of us had to take on parts of her role for the year she was off. We didn't get a choice, it was just the way it was.

It was during that year that I was signed off with depression. I now know that a wee bit of that was grief after losing Molee but the fact is I was overworked, not doing my job well (and that was really disheartening for a perfectionist like me) always tired, drinking a lot to try and not feel like shit and being a really crappy person. It was too much.

The fact is, I don't blame the woman for getting pregnant and taking the maternity leave she is perfectly entitled to take. I blame the management who let her go without a replacement and piling work on a management team already handling a hell of a lot. I raised my concerns about the work at the time, and had them brushed aside.

Where I work, there is no choice and when you inevitably hit breaking point, you are seen as the weak one, it's never the boss's fault.