I never get the hang of this...

Again and again I say I am going to get better at updating this blog, then it never happens.

And now that the Blogger app no longer seems to work it's even less likely to happen.

So, what's been going on in the past few months, I hear you ask. Well...

• I am still vegetarian and enjoying trying new things. 
• I got sober. My drinking had become a crutch and something I was doing in a bad way that had negative impacts on myself and others. So I decided it had to stop. It's been less than a month and I would still run over your granny for a glass of wine but I'm persevering.
• I have decided to try Nanowrimo after a few years off. The hope is to use it as a kicking off point for my novel.
• I continue to work hard every day and wish that my pay matched that level of work. But it never will, so I try not to dwell too much.
• I got chosen to be part of the announcer crew for the Men's European Cup and I'm very much looking forward to it.
• I benched a mixed team and it gave me so much anxiety that it has confirmed I'm no longer able to do that.

Other than that, I need to get back to meditating and get into a routine for regular yoga practice.

Be careful who you take on...

This isn't a threat in any kind of way, despite what the subject line may hint at. I generally don't do threats. What I do is deal in facts. And the fact is, you never really know who you are dealing with.

This stands in any part of your life - work, family, friends, hobbies. You may think you know a person, you might have regular dealings with them, or they may share their deepest, darkest secrets with you. But the fact is, no-one really knows what a person is capable of when they are really pushed.

I admit, I have a temper. Maybe it's my age, maybe it's being Scottish, maybe because my dad has red hair and I inherited the "fiery temper" gene. I have buttons that, if pushed, will set me off. It's not a healthy thing, I'm not proud of it but it's a fact. The thing is, very few people have ever seen me truly angry.

I rant and rave and swear quite a lot, but that's more of a frustration release than anything. But get me angry, actually angry, and it's a whole other ball game. That is scorching the earth, no-one will find your body fodder. I just work extremely hard not to let that part of me out because I know it will result in consequences that I would be unable to take back.

I can't remember the last time I got in a proper argument with anyone. I can't remember the last time I shouted at someone in anger. I was probably about 21, so a while ago. The last time I was in a physical fight I was a teenager. So it was very long ago. Because I realised that while I want to behave like that, it really doesn't achieve much and should only be as a last resort. It still lies in me though, and could come out if properly provoked.

And that is my point. There are people out there who "come for me" or my loved ones (absolutely one of my buttons) and they don't realise what lies beneath the surface. And admittedly, I don't know about them either. If I were to go back at them, it could ignite their fires and then it could really go left and grow into a Death Star of anger.

And to those who want to come at me, yes, maybe this is a warning.

But in the words of a Real Housewife (the source of a lot of my wisdom):


via GIPHY

Turning over a new leaf (lots of them)

Vegetarianism is going well so far. I'm discovering the delights of Quorn, Linda McCartney and other meat-free products. It also turns out that Asda does some tasty veggie frozen roasts and cutlets.

Am I missing meat? Not so much, although sometimes the thought of a juicy burger is enticing. My skin is a bit crappy and my tummy has been a little bit out of whack but I'm hoping that's the remains of animals working their way out of my system and my body adjusting.

As well as going vegetarian, I am doing a lot of financial belt-tightening. This means I'm cutting down on non-essential groceries like booze, fizzy juice and takeaways. Hopefully this makes me overall healthier.

I even went on a two mile walk this morning!! What the hell is going on?

Part of the reason for the walk was to try and work through an idea I have for a potential TV show. I have a very basic kernel but I need to get the premises and the characters fleshed out. First new idea I've had for a while, let's see how it goes.

In which I make a change

I posted before about my guilt over eating meat. So I've made the decision to be vegetarian.

I'm doing all my research and pinning a lot of recipes on Pinterest. Pay day is Friday so I will stock up then and in the meantime use up the last of the meat in the house and lower my use of it.

Habits easily made are just as easily broken if you put your mind to it.

The cats, however, will remain carnivorous. I once knew a woman who refused to feed her cats meat. She was a fucking weirdo.

We are on a break

And by "we", I mean me and roller derby. I still love the sport it I needed to take some time off. I'm no longer a member of a league, I stopped my UKRDA role at the end of January. I'm still podcasting and doing the odd bit of announcing but other than that, nothing.

And so far....its been amazing.

My time is my own (outside of work), my phone is very quiet and I feel like a weight has been lifted.

Not because of other people, but because of me. I want to help out so I load myself with jobs and responsibilities then I am snowed under. I need to not have that for a while.

This isn't me done with derby, but for now we are on a break.

So now I can fully devote my time to crazy cat lady-dom!!

Snow day and quiet living

As you can see, it's a snowy Saturday at the cottage. Boo and Dill went out to play in it, but Dill was quick to come back inside. On vet's orders, Atticus is not allowed out until the beginning of the week after an injury and wound on his paw and hip. Needless to say, he's not a happy camper.

I am no longer a UKRDA director. As much I am glad and relieved to no longer have the responsibility or workload, it is weird how quiet my life is. Although hopefully it won't stay that way long.

But for now, I'm staying in bed and out of this snow!!

The light at the end of the tunnel...

In 2015 I changed my job. I was unhappy for a while and I needed a change. The demands of an online editor are immense. There is no such thing as not on deadline. You have work social media accounts linked to your personal accounts.

On top of that, since the beginning of 2014, I have been the head of PR and a director for the UK Roller Derby Association, the national governing body for roller derby in Britain. So I've had those social accounts and websites to maintain.

However, I have chosen to not restand for those positions. So come the UKRDA AGM on February 7, I will be done. Aside from doing some handovers, my time as a director will be over. I won't have monthly board meetings, I won't be getting emails from the organisation, I won't be "on" all the time.

Am I sad? No, I'm really not. I have an element of guilt at how relieved and happy I am about it. But it's been a hard slog. The problem with a volunteer organisation is that you can't make anyone do anything. So people flake out or life takes over and the "optional" stuff falls by the wayside. And the ones left have to bear the load. It becomes too much, and I burned out.

I want 2016 to be a year that I work on myself, not on others. The change in job has already helped with this - I have time to knit and chill with the cats and read. My head isn't mince when I get home from the office. But, quite often I'm coming home and doing hours of roller derby work. It will be nice when that's over.

Some of my plans for the year include starting my own podcast, doing some more freelance writing and FINALLY dusting off the partially written novel and reviving it. I will get a book published at some point, dammit!!

In roller derby, I'm also going to try and become a referee, so I will have that to work on. That means going back to the gym regularly and working on my skills.

A quiet life? Probably not. But certainly a much quieter one.